Current issues and events

The insurance company actually sends to the pharmacy a notice like, "Hey, your diabetic patient isn't on a cholesterol medication.  You should talk to the doctor and get them to prescribe a medication."  Oh, yeah . . . these are like the things that happen every day. . . .  But . . . nobody knows this goes on.

From now through mid-April, in the western evening twilight sky, the "Queen of the Night," better known as the brilliant planet Venus, will help you to identify the normally hard-to-find planet Mercury. . . .

Through a run that will last more than two weeks, skywatchers will be able to watch as Venus hovers well above and to the left of Mercury. Then, later in the month, Mercury will drop into the sunset fires and ultimately fade from view.

Normally a tough target

Venus, of course, attracts the attention of even casual skywatchers. One metaphor compares it to a sequined showgirl strutting her stuff in the western evening twilight. But most folks have never noticed another planet that, like Venus, swings back and forth nearer to the sun than Earth.

That's Mercury.

Mercury is a difficult object to study because it's a small planet — the smallest in our solar system. Scarcely half as far from the sun as Venus is, most of the time it's hidden by the sun's glare. Mercury ventures away from our star only about half as far into our evening sky, dodging out into view in the evening twilight low in the western sky. But when both Venus and Mercury shine together in the evening twilight, Venus can act as a celestial benchmark, pointing the way to the more elusive Mercury.

Then, the speedy little planet is easy to see, if you know when and where to look. . . .

On Saturday evening (April 1), about a half hour after sunset, using binoculars, scan near the west-northwest horizon to locate Mercury. Although shining at magnitude -1.0, which is virtually as bright as Sirius (the brightest star in the sky), Mercury is still deeply immersed in the bright evening twilight, so it might be a bit difficult to pick out initially.

But this unfavorable circumstance will rapidly improve in the coming days, for although it will slowly fade, this will be more than compensated by the fact that Mercury will be pulling farther away from the sun and correspondingly lifting higher up into the sky. Also take note how Mercury and Venus will appear to be positioned roughly 20 degrees apart. (Your clenched fist held at arm's length measures approximately 10 degrees.)

In fact, between April 4 and April 13, Mercury will be within 20.5 degrees of Venus. So, through the first half of April, Venus will serve as a convenient guidepost to locate this normally hard-to-find planet. About 30 to 45 minutes after sunset, look toward the west-northwest sky. You will immediately spot brilliant Venus. Hovering "two fists" below and to its right, you will see a bright yellowish-orange "star."  

You'll then be looking at our solar system's "elusive" planet. . . .

In fact, this will be Mercury's very best showing of the year for those who are located north of the equator — better than even this year's best pre-sunrise apparition (which will occur in late September). And since more people are interested in looking for Mercury in the dusk than in the dawn, the dusks of early to mid-April are the ones to plan on.

Having an intimate group of friends like that seems to be a rare thing for men these days. In fact, according to a recent American Survey report, men have fewer social ties overall than they used to, with only 27% of men in 2021 saying they had at least six close friends compared to 55% in 1990. This suggests men may be suffering a “friendship recession” that is likely affecting their health and happiness.

The reasons for this are complex. But it’s worth it for men to forge friendships with other men. Research suggests that having men friends in early adulthood is important to men and can help buffer them against stress. Intimate friendships with men, sometimes called “bromances,” can be even more fulfilling than romantic relationships with women, perhaps because men feel more understood by other men and assume men friends will be more loyal and willing to help in time of need.

How can you make that kind of friendship happen? The key, say experts, is to find the right activity with other men—and then to be brave in opening up. “[Men] start off talking about their cars first, and then the conversation goes into their relationships,” says Daniel Ellenberg, a relationship expert and leadership trainer. “Finding common interests is a good jumping-off point for men.”

The roots of male isolation

Why do men have fewer friends these days? Declining involvement in civic or religious organizations, lower marriage rates, and changes in the workplace—such as remote work opportunities and longer commutes—are likely contributing to missed opportunities for men to develop friendships with other men. No doubt the pandemic didn’t help, as so many men (and women) found themselves isolated.

But men also have fewer close male friends for other reasons, too. Societal pressures to conform to a particular model of masculinity can hamper the development of intimacy with others. This starts at a young age, when boys are given the message they should not express their emotions or seek emotional comfort from other boys lest they be condemned for being too “soft,” “feminine,” or “gay.”

As developmental psychologist Niobe Way’s research articulates, boys want and need to have intimacy, but feel pressured to withhold the vulnerability or affection that helps foster friendship. This means boy friendships often fade by late adolescence, increasing their risk for suffering mental health problems and poorer physical health.

Fred Rabinowitz is a psychologist at the University of the Redlands who studies men and runs therapy groups to help men connect. He believes that much of what hampers male friendships stems from male socialization.

“Boys, when they’re young, are capable of having all kinds of fun with each other and enjoy hanging out, being physical, and all that stuff,” he says. “Then, something happens. We put them in school, where it’s OK to play and be aggressive, but where there’s something taboo about being too friendly.”

He recalls his own lesson around this at the age of seven. After putting his arm around a best buddy on the playground at school, somebody suggested it meant he was gay. He quickly changed tack. “That’s enough to just shut down boys,” he says.

With girls and women, there is less of this association between physical affection and sexuality, he says. They are more open and receptive to interpersonal interactions involving intimacy, where they share secrets and seek each other out for advice or comfort.

But, for guys, it can feel weird or awkward to be intimate with another guy, because it goes against cultural norms and doesn’t jive with male mythology. Men are admired for being “the strong, silent type” or the lone hero in our society, with emotional control and self-reliance valued above all else. This stereotype can keep men from recognizing their social and emotional needs, making it harder to do the work of making close friends.

“Part of our tradition has been to appear to be strong—or at least give the impression of strength—which makes you feel a little bit more secure, but lonely,” says Rabinowitz. . . .

“The male operating system is learning that vulnerability is a bad thing, that you’re leaving yourself open to attack,” he says. “There’s a kind of wariness, based on the need to always be oriented toward threat. We’re much more likely to mistake a stick for a snake than a snake for a stick.” That hurts a man’s ability to foster intimacy through vulnerable self-disclosure—something key to fostering closeness in friendships.

That’s why many men tend to look more to women for emotional support than to seek it with other men, says Ellenberg. Unfortunately, this not only lessens their options, but could place an undue burden upon women to be their confidants and supports through life.

“Men put too many of their (shall we say) ‘emotional eggs’ in a woman’s basket,” says Ellenberg. “But relationships are complex, and the more you’re able to embrace different contexts, the more you bring out different sides of yourself.”

It wasn’t always the case that men feared intimacy with other men, writes Marisa Franco in Platonic (her book outlining the history of friendship and its benefits). Men used to be quite close to other men, she writes, even sharing romantic feelings for one another—not in the sexual sense, but in the sense of deep caring, longing to be together, and feeling most yourself when in that person’s presence.

“Romantic love in friendship isn’t radical. It’s traditional if you peer back far enough into our history,” she writes. “Even now, it is normal for close friends to feel the heady passion and idealization that we typically deem appropriate only for spouses.”

To have that kind of closeness feels foreign to many men, though. That’s why both Rabinowitz and Ellenberg have their work cut out for them.

What men can do to build friendships

While there isn’t much research on what men can do to build male friendships, specifically, Rabinowitz’s and Ellenberg’s decades of experience give them a vantage point for offering some advice.


Rather than engaging in deep, revealing conversations the way women might, boys and men tend to engage in “side-by-side play,” Rabinowitz says—doing an activity they both enjoy that doesn’t involve face-to-face interactions. Sometimes intimacy can grow from there, he adds, because if you do these activities regularly, opportunities to share personal issues can arise.

“If you’re playing golf with someone, you can focus on golf. But then if someone says, ‘I had a rough morning, you know, my wife’s in cancer treatment,’ it’s a way of opening up the door to have a conversation about that in a safe way,” he says.
 . . .

Modeling openness yourself, as a man, can make it easier for other men to open up to you, says Rabinowitz. You can always start with something fairly low-risk and work your way up, as you see that it has a good response.

“Maybe tell a story that is not that personal and or tell a joke or talk about some external activity,” he says. “Those are the ways that men break the ice when they’ve been socialized the way we have been.” . . .

The keys to friendship, as outlined in Franco’s book, may also help men build closer connections with other men. After initiating contact with another guy, whether it’s getting a beer after work or meeting for a walk, you can go from there. Broaching more personal topics, expressing appreciation, or showing affection are all good ways to let someone know you’re interested in a deeper friendship, if they are interested, too.

Though that may feel risky for some men, often their fears of a negative reaction are just that—fears.  Most people respond more positively than you might think to someone reaching out to them.

“If you want a closer friendship, you have to pay the price, which is to reveal more about yourself,” says Ellenberg. “As Gandhi said, ‘Be the change you want to see in the world.’ If you want more openness in a friendship, the best thing to do is to be more open yourself. Don’t wait.”

4.5 stars

Back to the Future

When Ellie Goulding & Co. were plotting a single to launch her latest album, it seems they had one thing on their mind:  Big '80s.  Indeed, the very title of the song is an almost shameless attempt to conjure up that era, with many folks no doubt wondering at first if perhaps the song is a remake of that old hit by Philip Bailey and Phil Collins.  Nope.    And then the crew must've spent a lot of time listening to one of the last big hits that Hall & Oates put out—their song "Out of Touch" from 1984.  That tune, in fact, seems to have been the blueprint for this one.  

Starting off with a percolating beat, the song builds gradually in intensity as Goulding tells her gut-wrenching story of being repeatedly pulled in by a player.  Then her tale of woe explodes in a big, booming, synth-driven chorus that sounds like it walked straight outta the '80s.  

Not to be outdone, guest rapper Big Sean launches a spirited rebuttal in the next round of verses, asserting that he's not really that bad after all and in fact does want to be in a relationship with Goulding.  Some interesting lyrics trip off his tongue as well:

I'm hung up on the pictures that you sent me,
Made a gallery (whoa),
Captions be about me but not @-ing me. . . .

Meanwhile, she coos in the background throughout his rapping, finally joining the rap like a soft echo as it chugs toward the second chorus.  Then, by the time the middle eight rolls around, Goulding admits she's hopelessly hooked—and resistance is futile:  

I can't stop believin' you want me,
And you're foolishly in love.
But you're not,
So I take a shot. . . .

Throughout the song, Goulding nails the delivery, reining in her vocals when appropriate, and then giving them just the right amount of oomph as needed to make the choruses soar.

Only a couple of things hold the song back a bit.  While Big Sean's rapping is interesting, it's also kinda clumsy at times, and it's hard not to wonder if maybe the whole idea of including a guest rapper was half-baked.  (Goulding might've wondered this herself, since she released a solo version of the song not even two months later.  )  The song seems to end too soon as well, and an extra 20 or 30 seconds might've helped it go out with more of a bang.

Those minor drawbacks notwithstanding, this single delivers a bold, catchy, refreshing slice of Big '80s nostalgia , and it's anybody's guess why it didn't do better on the charts.

You and I have a rendezvous with destiny. We will preserve for our children this, the last best hope of man on earth, or we will sentence them to take the first step into a thousand years of darkness. If we fail, at least let our children and our children’s children say of us we justified our brief moment here. We did all that could be done.

Where are the brave people?


We must hope that the war in Ukraine does not escalate to a world war or even a European war, because we have very few brave people left in the Western world.

There are very few politicians who are willing to speak up about what is clearly a breakdown in politics, the fact that there is absolutely no difference between any of the parties now.

There are very few journalists willing to speak up when they are told they are not allowed to report the truth.

There are very few doctors willing to speak up about being told they are not allowed to prescribe tried and tested drugs, or that people dying of natural causes being designated as dying of Covid, or keeping quiet about the sudden death syndrome being only in vaccinated people.

There are very few policemen willing to speak out about the bias in the police agenda and how they are being ordered to attack peaceful protestors.

There are very few teachers willing to speak out against the standards of education which have plummeted in the last few decades.

There are [very] few ordinary people willing to speak up about the inconsistencies in the narrative which we are being fed. There are very few people willing to question why every death within 28 days of a test are treated as a Covid death, when overall death levels have not changed.

No, sadly, there are very few brave people around, because they have seen that those who have spoken up have lost their jobs and often been ruined. No dissension is allowed at all. We have become a communist country where you are not even allowed to question the narrative, because that is dangerous. Dangerous to who?

But, the ones I am really surprised about are Church leaders who seem to have lost all [their] spine. Church leaders are not stupid people, so they must be able to sense something is wrong, just the same as I did. So why have they not spoken up? When will they speak up?

Will they speak up when people cannot heat their homes because there is a 20% premium on their power to subsidize green electricity?  Will they speak up when people cannot get food, while our governments pay farmers not to produce?  Will they speak up when we get hyper inflation due to the massive amounts of money printing?

Sorry guys, by that time it will be too late when your congregations are dying. If you cannot see the truth in front of you, then you are not fit to be pastors.  You are a total disgrace, leading your flocks astray, the blind leading the blind.

At first I was giddy for the fresh start. But hormones and sex change genital surgery couldn't solve the underlying issues driving my gender dysphoria.

I started my transgender journey as a 4-year-old boy when my grandmother repeatedly, over several years, cross-dressed me in a full-length purple dress she made especially for me and told me how pretty I was as a girl. This planted the seed of gender confusion and led to my transitioning at age 42 to transgender female.

I lived as “Laura” for eight years, but, as I now know, transitioning doesn’t fix the underlying ailments.

Studies show that most people who want to live as the opposite sex have other psychological issues, such as depression or anxiety. In my case, I was diagnosed at age 40 with gender dysphoria and at age 50 with psychological issues due to childhood trauma. . . .

Gender dysphoria is about identity, not sexual orientation. I was never homosexual; I was interested in dating girls. In my early 20s and engaged to be married, I confided to my fiancée about my cross-dressing. She figured we could work it out. We got married and had two children.

In my work life I was successful, but the girl persona still occupied my thoughts. With weekly travel away from home, I easily indulged in cross-dressing, fueling the desire to be a woman.

By the time I was 40, I couldn’t take the pressure of living two separate lives. I felt torn apart, wanting to be a good husband and father, but in severe torment about needing to be a woman.

I sought out the top gender specialist at the time, Dr. Paul Walker, who had co-authored the 1979 standards of care for transgender health. He diagnosed me with gender identity disorder (now gender dysphoria) and recommended cross-sex hormones and sex change genital surgery. He told me that the childhood events were not related to my current gender distress, and that sex change was the only solution. I started taking female hormones and scheduled the surgery for April 1983 in Trinidad, Colorado. I was 42.

My marriage ended shortly before surgery. In addition to genital reconfiguration, I had breast implants and other feminizing procedures and changed my birth certificate to Laura Jensen, female. My childhood dream was realized, and my life as a woman began. . . .

At first, I was giddy with excitement. It seemed like a fresh start. I could sever ties with my former life as Walt and my painful past. But reality soon hit. My children and former wife were devastated. When I told my employer, my career was over.

As Laura, I decided to pursue being a counselor and started courses at the University of California-Santa Cruz in the late 1980s. There, a crack in my carefully crafted female persona opened, and I began to question my transition.

The reprieve I experienced through surgery was only temporary. Hidden underneath the makeup and female clothing was the little boy hurt by childhood trauma. I was once again experiencing gender dysphoria, but this time I felt like a male inside a body refashioned to look like a woman. I was living my dream, but still I was deeply suicidal.

A gender specialist told me to give it more time. Eight years seemed like an awfully long time to me. Nothing made sense. Why hadn’t the recommended hormones and surgery worked? Why was I still distressed about my gender identity? Why wasn’t I happy being Laura? Why did I have strong desires to be Walt again?

Emotionally, I was a mess. But with grit and determination, and the love and support of several families and counselors, I pursued healing on a psychological level. With expert guidance, I dared to revisit the emotional trauma of my youth. It wasn’t easy, but it was the only way to address the underlying conditions driving my gender dysphoria.

I was 50 when I had the breast implants removed, but the next few years were spent in confusion and counseling. In 1996, at the age of 55, I was finally free from the desire to live as a woman and changed my legal documents back to Walt, my biologically correct male sex. I still have scars on my chest, reminders of the gender detour that cost me 13 years of my life. I am on a hormone regimen to try to regulate a system that is permanently altered.

Regret is real

Eventually, I met a wonderful woman who didn’t care about the changes to my body, and we’ve been married for 21 years. Now we help others whose lives have been derailed by sex change. Measured by the human benefit to a hurting population, it’s a priceless way to spend our time.

Had I not been misled by media stories of sex change “success” and by medical practitioners who said transitioning was the answer to my problems, I wouldn’t have suffered as I have. Genetics can’t be changed. Feelings, however, can and do change. Underlying issues often drive the desire to escape one’s life into another, and they need to be addressed before taking the radical step of transition.

You will hear the media say, “Regret is rare.” But they are not reading my inbox, which is full of messages from transgender individuals who want the life and body back that was taken from them by cross-sex hormones, surgery and living under a new identity.

After de-transitioning, I know the truth: Hormones and surgery may alter appearances, but nothing changes the immutable fact of your sex.

The fact of the matter is that forty percent of people who are attempting suicide are people who regret ever changing genders.

Q: What's the best part about being a "conspiracy theorist"?

A: Not having blood clots, myocarditis, or a failing immune system.

Even though advertising and marketing may lead us to think that the right job, a bigger home, or the perfect spouse is the ticket to happiness, it turns out these ideas can actually lead us to unhappiness.  Research shows that there can be a gap between what we believe makes us happy and what brings us true happiness.

Although platitudes on bumper stickers or Instagram quote cards may sound nice, their ideas can become lodged in our minds without being substantiated in science.  Misconceptions about happiness can stop us from getting what we want because they hide helpful truths.  Understanding these common misconceptions—and learning from them—can help us cultivate more happiness in our lives.

MYTH:  In life, the goal is to be happy and not to be sad.

TRUTH:  There are only two types of people who don't experience painful emotions such as sadness, anxiety, anger, envy, or disappointment:  psychopaths and the deceased.  The fact that we experience painful emotions is a good thing because it means we're alive!

The truth is that happiness comes part and parcel with sadness.  Happiness and sadness aren't opposites—they're simply different emotions.  It's completely normal to be a happy person and feel sad sometimes.

The goal of life is not to eliminate sadness. Research shows that, paradoxically, when we give ourselves permission to feel anxiety, anger, or sadness, we often end up experiencing more happiness.  Allowing ourselves a full range of emotions is what will help lead us to the happiest and most fulfilled lives.

TRY THIS:  You can't suppress the experience of painful emotions, so don't even bother trying to push them away or bottle them up.  Give yourself permission to have feelings of sadness, anxiety, anger, or envy, but don't allow yourself to marinate in them for extended periods of time.  Whatever emotions come up for you, aim to feel them fully—then, let them go.  By doing this, they can loosen their grip on you.

MYTH:  I'll be happy when (fill in the blank).

TRUTH:  Happiness isn't a destination, nor is it a permanent state of mind.  Happiness is an emotional state, and emotions are transitory; they can fluctuate depending on our thoughts and mood on any given day.

Although happiness isn't permanent, research suggests that lasting happiness is attainable if we're prepared to do the work.  Much like with sustained weight loss or fitness, becoming lastingly happier demands effort and commitment every day.

TRY THIS:  There are many things in your life you can't control, and some things you can.  One of the most important you can learn to control is your mind.  Try to train your brain to focus on the present moment because lasting happiness happens in the now.  Looking to the past or the future takes you out of the moment and out of happiness.  When you notice your mind wander, try to bring it back to the now by looking around and noticing the things you appreciate, are grateful for, or that make you happy.

MYTH:  Once you put a ring on it. you live happily ever after.

TRUTH:  While it's true that there's often a boost in happiness when you get married, it doesn't last very long.  Several studies have found that marriage has a surprisingly small impact on long-term happiness, and after the fun and excitement of a wedding wears off, most newlyweds revert to their happiness levels before their engagement.

It turns out it's not simply marriage that makes people happy.  If a couple isn't happy going into their marriage, chances are the union isn't going to be their golden ticket.  Also, staying in an unhappy marriage because you think it'll make you happier is a myth.  Research has shown that people who are in unhappy marriages experience a spike in their happiness once the marriage is dissolved.

TRY THIS:  Marriage or not, focus on your own happiness and the happiness of your partner.  One way to do this is to celebrate the good.  Research indicates that the most intimate and trusting relationships are distinguished by how partners respond to good news, not by how they react to disappointing or bad news.  For example, if your partner shares that he got a big promotion, be sure to celebrate with enthusiastic joy; talk about the great things about the promotion and how it will benefit your relationship.  And if your partner shares that he got a new job that requires him to work weekends, try to highlight the good things that'll come from the new job as much as possible, and give less attention to the downsides.

MYTH:  Landing your dream job is your ticket to happiness.

TRUTH:  There's absolutely nothing wrong with aspiring to do things we love; after all, who doesn’t want a career that pays the bills and is fulfilling?  The problem is that having an idealized view of what constitutes a perfect job can wind up leading us away from work we love, instead of toward it, when our expectations don't match reality.

People adapt to all experiences, so any happiness from a new work environment will likely fade over time.  Also, we're constantly growing and changing, and sometimes, so are our interests.  A dream job isn't an exact destination, either; rather, it's constantly evolving, just like you.  What we think our ideal is when we're in our 20s may be very different than when we're in our 30s or 40s.

TRY THIS:  Remember that passion won't always pay the bills—and that's OK!  The key to finding your dream job is being able to distinguish the achievable from the fairy tale and recognizing what it means to you to be fulfilled from a practical (not just a passionate) standpoint.  Be open to new things and embrace the many opportunities you encounter.  This will help you to be sure that you don't pass up worthwhile work in hopeless pursuit of an elusive ideal.

MYTH:  A bigger house means a bigger smile.

TRUTH: According to the science of happiness, the reality is that whether it be a dream home or something else, many of us are waiting for happiness.  We fervently (and erroneously) believe that, if we're not happy now, we will be happy when we get that house . . . or find Mr. Right . . . or strike it rich or....

More space doesn't necessarily lead to more happiness.  One U.S. study found that, since the 1980s, the amount of space per person has grown by about 40 percent (to more than 900 square feet) for people living in detached houses, yet satisfaction has stayed the same.  Also, if that mega-square-foot home means you have to take out a barely affordable mortgage, it may not give you as much pleasure as you'd hope.  Research shows that eliminating negative experiences (like worry associated with debt) makes us three to five times happier than creating a positive experience (like splurging on something).

TRY THIS:  Science shows that expectations are frequently toxic and erroneous because they may lead to letdown or even depression.  Try not to focus too much on the salient high points (for example, moving day or a vacation) and instead focus on and celebrate day-to-day events, which have a more profound effect on overall happiness.

Whether you've ever fallen for any of these myths or not, when it comes to happiness, remember that it starts from within.  You are your best teacher, and you are the only one who truly knows what makes you happy—not any advertisement, job, relationship, person, or thing.  Happiness isn't a destination; it's a byproduct of a life well lived.  It's like a muscle you build over time, and so no matter how happy or unhappy you are right now, you absolutely have the potential to be happier.  By educating yourself about happiness and making time each day to do small things that make you feel good, you can be certain that the cumulative effects will add up to a happier life.

Forget January. July is the best month for making resolutions.

Lose weight.  Start exercising.  Quit smoking.  Ever noticed how January's good intentions have a way of turning into July's forgotten resolutions?  This midyear, resolve to recommit to your health goals.  By tweaking your resolutions based on what you learned from earlier attempts, you've got a better shot at actually achieving them.

4th of July Resolutions

When you think about it, January 1 may be the worst possible day of the year for making resolutions.  Sure, there's poetic appeal to the notion of a fresh start at the beginning of a new year.  But in reality, most of us hit the last day of the holiday stress fest feeling frazzled, fatigued and possibly hungover—not exactly at our best for focused behavior change.

The holiday when we should actually be making resolutions is July 4.  Compare a typical Fourth of July barbecue—laidback, and the party peaks with 9:00 p.m. fireworks—to a typical New Year's Eve bash.  Chances are, you'll be in a much better frame of mind the day after the Fourth to hit the gym or toss out your cigarettes.

With half a year behind you, it's possible to look back and see where your New Year's resolutions went awry.  Yet you've still got time to look forward to making this the year when you finally lose that 15 pounds or take up a sport you always wanted to try.

Resolution Solutions

If you made New Year's resolutions that didn't turn out quite the way you planned, now's your chance to review and revise.  This time around:

• Try, try again. Yes, you tried before and failed, but that only means you're like 60% of other people who made resolutions six months ago. It's okay; you're normal.  Cut yourself some slack.
  
  
• Pick one goal—not two, not three.  Focus on one thing at a time, and give it your full attention.  Once you've achieved your current goal, you can start thinking about your next one.
  
  
• Make it personal.  Your partner, your best friend and everyone at the office may really, really want you to quit smoking.  But until you want it, too, your quit attempt is unlikely to succeed.  Be sure you've chosen a goal that you want to accomplish for yourself, not just to satisfy others.
  
  
• Think baby steps.  One problem with many resolutions is that the goal is so big and overwhelming that you end up feeling intimidated rather than motivated.  Break up large goals into smaller, more manageable ones.  For example, if you need to lose a lot of weight, aim to take off 5% to 10% of your body weight first.
  
  
• Change the world—not yourself.  Research shows that avoiding environmental triggers is one of the most effective ways to stick with behavior change.  When you're trying to give up sweets, it's easier to ban cookies from the cupboard than to nag yourself into having more willpower.
  
  
• Seek support.  Did family and friends unwittingly sabotage your behavior change efforts last time?  This time, ask for their support, and let them know specific ways they can be more helpful; for example, by not smoking around you or by watching the kids while you go to yoga class.
  
  
• Celebrate success.  Give yourself little treats for reaching not only your ultimate destination, but also key mileposts along the way. Research shows that rewarding success is a more effective way to promote lasting behavior change than punishing slipups.  Plus, it's a lot more fun.